Ain’t No Mountain High Enough

Submitted by Jennifer Haddow

When I was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis 7 years ago, it felt like my life was spinning downhill. My fear of how this disease would weigh on me, drag me down into inevitable disability, was echoed by the concerned family and friends who told me to be careful, not to take risks, to take drugs, consider surgeries, to reconsider my dream of having children. How would I cope with one day being in a wheelchair and not being able to work? Who would take care of me?

At the time, I was a longtime heavy smoker, in a toxic relationship, and my feeble attempts at exercise consisted of the occasional yoga class or a blue moon visit to the gym where I’d putter around on the machines, uninspired and ignorant of how my body actually worked. So, the MS diagnosis propelled me into instant action. Leaving the doctor’s office that day, I made a decision to change my life, to embrace a path of healing and empowerment. I quit smoking on the spot (and have never smoked since), which was surprisingly easy to do cold turkey, once I got really honest with myself that it was truly what I wanted, not something I “should” do. I radically changed my diet – making the farmer’s market my regular pick up joint for goodies, not the pizza place – and I started to actually learn about my body. I saw acupuncturists and colonists, I got a personal trainer and went to the gym regularly and started running. The next evolution of my newfound body awareness was to take my growing yoga practice to the next level and I took a year long yoga teacher training program and became a certified Kundalini yoga teacher. Sat Nam!

But something was missing. I still held the idea of myself as someone struggling, resisting the decline that was “my Disease”, and there was no way to stop from sliding downhill, getting closer everyday to becoming disabled. I thought of myself as a sick person, at best just slowing down the train that was going to smack me into submission, someday. Then I got an inspiration, asking myself what does a strong, fit, powerful healthy person do? At the top of my brainstorm list was “climb Mount Everest”! Well, I was sane enough to know that wasn’t a short term option, so I instead decided on a modified plan – I would spend a month trekking in the Himalayas in Nepal, to get myself to the basecamp of the tallest mountain on Earth. That didn’t seem like something a sick person would do! So, soon after I found myself going steadily uphill, rising everyday step by step towards “Chomolungma”, the sacred mountain the Nepalese call “Mother Goddess of the World”.

At 15,500 feet above sea level, life takes on a different perspective. The oxygen levels were 60% lower, yet every breath was deep and pure, as I appreciated the pristine mountain air. After 3 weeks of hiking hours everyday, I felt blessed by a new awareness and appreciation of my body, the rhythm of my own power to move my life, upwards, higher and higher, into what seemed like heaven on earth. One morning, I woke at sunrise and watched the light fan across the top of Mount Everest and I knew I was connected to a light to would rise for me everyday if I woke to greet it.

After that journey, I realized the healing power that I was seeking could be found in immersing myself in nature, and began to explore the wilderness in my own backyard, in Canada. I grew up on the ocean, and went back to my watery roots to learn how to kayak, going on kayak trips for my summer vacations. I began to hike regularly and practice yoga outdoors, in the mountains, on the beach, in remote fields of wildflowers. I jumped into a canoe, paddled along backcountry lakes, and swam nude with the loons (ducks!) under the moon. I felt more alive than I ever did before the day of doom when I was diagnosed. In fact, I felt healthier than I ever had in my entire life!

So much so, that I decided to dedicate my work to helping other women discover their natural wildness and vitality, changing my job from an urban office worker to becoming the Director of an outdoor adventure travel company and living on the edge of a National Park surrounded by forest, mountains and ocean. My ‘desk’ is a boulder on the beach, where I skype and surf online, and brainstorming sessions take place in boats more than boardrooms. I create my days not based on my agenda book, straightjacketed by my schedule, but based on the weather – if the sun is shining, my ass is outside!

The medicine I needed more than anything was to fall (rise!) in love with Life again. To love my body and trust its infinite resilience. To love and cherish the land and the water, and let it hold me and wash over me, like a nurturing mother. To love the purpose that I was called to, in my work and creativity. Synchronicity would have it that the love of my life, who is now my husband, is a holistic life coach and personal fitness trainer, as well as a wilderness guide. His support and confidence in my power to be healthy and strong has been an amazing blessing. We are now getting ready to welcome our first child into the world!

There have been so many lessons in the adventure of moving through the healing path, and in every way I am more alive because of the disease I chose to make a tool, not a block. I have found that living more naturally is not just an intellectual exercise, it is about engaging in the world around you, actually getting to know and developing an intimate relationship with nature. It is more than eating organic food; it is connecting with the land and the lifecycles that bring us nourishment, getting our hands dirty and our feet wet.

Many scientific studies have been conducted to validate that physically and psychologically, getting outdoors and being active in nature is beneficial for our health. And intuitively, we know this to be true. Spend an afternoon walking in the woods, swim bare breasted under a waterfall, push yourself through waves in the ocean or sing your heart out around a campfire. Feel yourself wild and powerful and a precious part of the life that grows all around you.

As the poet Mary Oliver whispers to us with wonder, “What is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”