Entries RSSSometimes I find myself so caught up in the motions of life that I forget to be present. The mere thought of determining what gives meaning to my life is a constant source of confusion. Is happiness found in the validation granted by an unforgiving society? Is it in that perfect job we might never have or in that perfect relationship which doesn’t really exist? My guess is that even though we all assume to have the best intentions, we still fall prey to this idealist game. In my personal effort to gain some clarity, I have found a sense of peace in the soft lyrics of Jeff Tweedy, from Wilco: “Distance has a way of making love understandable.” He was right for a number of reasons.
My first experience with distance has taken place in light of my tendency to be a compulsive runner. I have always loved running. Few things grant me that same sense of freedom, exhilaration and physical exhaustion. Following a vicious car accident which left me with a broken femur, running and I had to part ways. Our split lasted 13 months and my heart was broken everyday. This last week I was given permission by the doctor to start running again. Before my broken femur, I ran everyday, at least five miles and never felt like it was enough. My body hurt, the joy I once felt from running was gone and I was at a serious risk of ruining that relationship forever. Now, I can only run two miles, at a slower pace and certainly not everyday. Despite these apparent drawbacks what I have gained is a new appreciation for running. Now it is a relationship I choose to have and I choose to care for.
My second experience with distance is a little more complex and perhaps a little more heartfelt because it deals with people, emotions and vulnerability. Have you ever noticed that the easiest people to push away are the ones closest to you? They are the ones who know us so well that they can both love and hate us all at once. This role can be filled by family, close friends or significant others, yet the experience looks and feels the same. There was once a time in my life when I assumed that the only way to feel loved and accepted was to please others. I somehow thought that if I could only be that nice person who was so easy to compromise then perhaps I would really feel love. What I have learned, for better or worse, is that the only thing I was compromising was myself. Slowly I have started to distance myself from those people who once seemed so critical to have in my life. And a funny thing has happened…the people I now surround myself with are not perfect, they are not people pleasers, but they are very good and real. When they argue with me it is because they care and when they hug me tightly it is because they are proud of something I said or did that is a reflection of the real me.
Without distance in my life, I would feel a void. Without distance, I would be popular, busy and chaotic. As I welcome distance as a friend, as an element which can add meaning and fulfillment, I am also welcoming happiness to my life. Perhaps you can do the same.
